When Worlds Collide! at The Old Truman Brewery - Cabaret

NEW LONDON SHOW RECOMMENDED IN TIME OUT! 
When Worlds Collide! at The Old Truman Brewery - Cabaret

http://www.whenworldscollidecabaret.com

THE LONDON CHINATOWN DOLLS!

WWC- Round 3! And What a Round it Was!

Wow! I am so happy to say that all the effort really paid off! In the run-up to this last show there were a few times when I had to stop and laugh, recognizing that indeed, we are absolutely crazy lunatics to be putting so much effort into a one-off, one-night-only performance: When World’s Collide presents The Devil VS. The Deep Blue Sea.

From walking around the neighborhood stealing stray pieces of wood out of trash piles to making a nganga (aka cauldron), to taking mop heads off poles for spears, to precisely cutting up one just-big-enough dress so that it would cover 5 showgirls in all the right places- from seeing the show you wouldn’t believe me that we actually had a negative budget with which we put it all together for!

Norman and I had a lot of practice in Shanghai making things work out of and for nothing. Often things we needed just didn’t exist in China, or were for export only, but we had to make it work somehow. I used to challenge myself to see just how small a budget I could pull things off for and still make them look like a million bucks. (I joke that if someone gave me a lot of money to put towards costumes and props, I wouldn’t know what to do with it! But that’s just a joke- Damn right I’d know what to do with it! Put myself on a payroll for one!)

I’m getting beside the point. The drama of Thursday night was legendary!

So, for one thing, there was some crazy guy hanging around the club all afternoon. Tall, long white hair, yellow glasses… with really bad logarrhea (Can’t stop talking). Told me he’s aristocracy, that he’s from New England, that he’s had 5 ex-wives (I believe the EX-part), something about motorbikes… blah blah blah. So right before the show he was in the room bothering Norman, who kindly asked him to leave and come back in as a punter, paying ten quid like everyone else. When he put up a fight, Norman said, “That’s it, you’re out. Need you to leave now or I’m calling security.”

So the crazy guy waited an hour, then went around to the police station to tell them that he’d just been ‘assaulted’, so after our opening number we had the cops in the back of the theatre asking to speak with Norman. Not a great scenario considering he’s actually onstage, about to perform a rehearsed speech- the crazy dick had planned the timing just so. Luckily the cops could tell the guy was nuts (It was pretty obvious) and there was CCTV footage that proved Norman didn’t touch the guy, and the cops told Norman they were going to get the guy for wasting police time.

But that was just the beginning!!

Then, right before my bit at the start of the second half- we had just finished the Gazeeka Box, and I had collected all the forms that have people’s movie choices for me to pick one from the box to perform. And there was a relentless heckler in the audience shouting that it was a fix. This is funny, because this act always used to be a fix, but by now I have so many movies in my repetoire, that it honestly could have been one of several I was prepared for. A few, like Flipper, were jokes and I had one-liners ready if they came up. So anyways, Titanic was picked, which is good because it’s one I’d prepared, and I launched right into it. About half way through, a fight has broken out by the bar- full on fight. I hear words exchanged, the sound of a fist hitting flesh, a struggle, bouncers coming in from the back, people getting ejected, more kerfuffle- and meanwhile, I’m trying to keep my own ship from sinking dead in the water right there in front of everyone!

I kept it up- but to tell you the truth- what was going through my head was, ‘F*%$! That crazy dude came back for Norman, now it’s jumped off, and I wondered if I should stop and acknowledge the fight, since half the people had turned around to see- or what?!

Once the 4 yobboes reached the door, struggling with the bouncers who looked like they could handle these guys in their sleep, I was at the part in my comedic monologue where I depict the movie, Leo, Kate, and all, where I say, ‘Let’s go back to my room and I’ll take off all my clothes and let you draw one of those filthy pictures of me,’ and to get everyone’s attention and eyes back on me, I improvised the line, shouting, “I’m Naked!” It was funny to see everyone’s heads flip right back around to me. I gave it everything I had to give, and by the end I got a standing ovation from several people in the crowd.

We did a lot of firsts this time around- Lobster Showgirls danced ‘Kali’ stylie to the B-52’s Rock Lobster, sung by Benjamin Louche himself. Who knew lobster showgirls would be so damn adorable? (I’m starting to think that every show should have lobster showgirls!)

We did a Gosney & Kallman classic, where all The London Chinatown Dolls declare “We’re going to the beach Norman!” into the fabulous, truly unique, Beyond the Sea- a very special synchronized swimming act, featuring cameos by Miss Brandy Butters and Benjamin Louche in a very silly swimming costume! (Love the personalized sailor caps with our initials on them!)

Johnny Electrolux made things spontaneously combust and Kitten von Strumpet levitate!

For the Gazeeka Box, I had the pleasure of choosing 3 people I thought would get a kick out of being up on stage! One was a dear friend who I used to babysit for in NY when he was much younger, believe it or not!

We had two very special guest stars, Marnie Scarlet- who put on a shocking display equipped with sparklers sticking out of her arms in one of the most remarkable rubber costumes I’ve ever seen, and the enormously practiced and talented juggler and all around entertainer, Mat Ricardo. Mat does something I’ve never seen anyone do before- he can take a tablecloth off a full dressed table- and then put it back on again! He really brought the house down!

The highlight of the show for me was our WWC sequence in the second half where we use the whole cast to demonstrate the show’s theme. For the last show, Kings VS Queens, we did a sports show hosted by Don Breedlove, and Tarquin Festerfield (Norman & Benjamin Louche) with Miss Miranda as our ring-girl. The first fight was a dance-strip- off between Marie Antoinette and Cleopatra (to Abba’s Dancing Queen, of course!), followed by a real fight by 2 professional wrestlers playing Freddie Mercury and Elvis Presley! Mercury became the victor when Elvis turned his back to eat a cheeseburger and got a guitar smashed over his head. Then the audience burst into ‘We Will Rock You’ and guitarist Roger Pomphrey came out with the guitar solo- it was mental!

So how do you top that, right?!

For this show, The Devil VS The Deep Blue Sea, we had Miss ‘Thorney Rose” come out as Pirate Queen to tell her tale of “Lust! Voodoo! And the Devil himself!” all taking place in The Bermuda Triangle, to the beat on jungle drums…. The music cuts in, the curtains open to reveal the nganga. The London Chinatown Dolls come out as Blonde Amazons one by one carrying their shields and spears (wearing sexy little jungle girl costumes that I made, which I would like to point out- are particularly filthy, as they have holes on the side around a metal circle that make the illusion they aren’t wearing knickers!… You’re welcome!). Then our Voodoo priestess comes out. She has a magic bag with items to cast a spell with- including our lobster friend, a magical pirate doll that morphs form, a giant doobie, and of course, the Devil’s work itself- a copy of The Daily Mail. As the music changes and Jungle Boogie comes on, the Voodoo priestess works her sex magic, until the removal of her feathery bra and the reveal of real skull pasties (!) is enough to set the spell into motion, when the Devil himself appears out of the nganga! The music stops as the devil gives us an aggravated talking to, exiting the stage. Once he’s left we await words of wisdom for our leader. “Pub?” she says. “Yeah! Pub! Sounds good!” And we exit.

Miss Thorney Rose explains that we’ve all headed down to The Queen’s Legs to have a sip of that sweet nectar, and we open up again with 11 people, a ship’s mast, tables and chairs- all on our little stage! We go into a full-cast choreographed dance and fight scene to the Sex Pistol’s Friggin’ in the Riggin’, until only 2 remain alive! Arrgh!!

What can I say? We aim high, we aim to please, and I’m very satisfied that we achieved this last Thursday! We are crazy lunatics- but doesn’t that make for a lucky audience? We are planning to come back in the fall…. Taking a break from planning for a bit, as we are starting to get booked for corporate events, since word is getting around that we can take any theme and make a huge splash with it! Watch this space for details on our future shows and gigs! Thanks for reading!

Xxx Miss Amelia Kallman

I WON!

Miss Ghostwood 2012! 2nd in the Miss Twin Peaks competition at The Double R Club!

Here are a few photos of THE LONDON CHINATOWN DOLLS from the new show, 'When Worlds Collide: A Cultural Fight Night of Entertainment.' Come see the next show! Tickets on sale here: http://www.wegottickets.com/event/172470

Miss Amelia Kallman - Showgirl in Exile #3

Miss Amelia Kallman - Showgirl in Exile #3, a photo by ameliakallman on Flickr.

I call this 'Showgirl in Exile #3'

It was a long road getting here, but finally, after nearly 2 years- Gosney & Kallman are back and better than ever! We've teamed up with the masterminds behind London's voted "Best Ongoing Cabaret" The Double R Club, to bring to you a Cultural Fight Night of Entertainment :

WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE!

A Scintillating Cocktail of Vaudeville, Classic Cabaret, Pernicious Performance and Delightful Debauchery,

Alive and Kicking in the Throbbing Heart of Old East London.

Once a Month the Teams that created ‘The Double R Club’ in London, ‘The Slipper Room’ & ‘Guilty Pleasures’ in New York, and ‘Chinatown’ in Shanghai,

 Bring you a Different, Dizzying Spectacle of Opposing Options,

 a Cultural Fight Night of Disparate Delights,

Two Separate Scenes Squeezed into the Same Bed,

but Horny as Hell!

  

NEXT SHOW: THURSDAY- JULY 5

Starring

Ben Louche, Rose Thorne, Amelia Kallman & Norman Gosney,

And 

THE LONDON CHINATOWN DOLLS! 

Starring

Miss Miranda, Miss Emerald Fontaine, Miss Kitten von Strumpet, Miss Hotcake Kitty,

And your very own,

Miss Amelia! 

Guest Starring:

Mat Ricardo

Johnny Electrolux

Marnie Scarlett

&

An Ever-Changing Cast, Carefully Culled from the Cream of International Cabaret

including...

Miss Brandy Butters

Greasy Tony 

 

All Lavishly Presented in a

Purpose-Built Performance Pavilion above the Vibe Bar, Truman Brewery

Brick Lane’s Oldest and Liveliest Pleasure Emporium.

(Helping Londoners Escape Reality since 1666)

 

For more details & filthy pix, go to: http://www.whenworldscollidecabaret.com 

Tickets already on sale and selling fast!:  http://www.wegottickets.com/event/172470

 

2-Years-Post-China

It's been 2 years since I've posted on this blog. I started it in 2007 when I decided to move to China, as a way of sharing my adventures. When I got there though, I found blogs are blocked in China, so I went through a proxy and did it that way. I had to be extremely careful with what I wrote and said though, as the Chinese have 1.6 million people employed to monitor the internet. It's said that they have 4 million at their disposal to bombard and crash a site that says anything the government disagrees with. Things as simple as googling 'Opium' can red-flag you. I found out the hard way with a post I did that mentioned the Opium Wars. Within an hour my blog was blocked to even me, and I couldn't log into my email. Friends assured me that this was no coincidence, and it took five days before I was back on. I found the 72 emails in my inbox from the past days had been marked 'read', even though I had never seen them before. Big Brother was watching, and had definitely made his presence known.

I have a lot of stories like this that I couldn't share while in Shanghai. I ended up having to leave overnight over bogus charges that would've sent me to prison for years... All this stuff is detailed in my book forth-coming book 'Diary of a Shanghai Showgirl'. http://www.andrewlownie.co.uk/authors/amelia-kallman It feels really good to finally be able to speak about things. Once Chinatown was open I had to be especially careful not to offend, since as a foreign (successful) company, the authorities had a constant eye on all our actions. And that's one of the reasons I stopped blogging when I did... but more on that later.

I have to say- there is still a part of me that feels fear writing this here now. Even though it has been 2-years, and I'm not in China anymore, that installed fear of saying the wrong thing has stuck with me. But I'm getting over it. It's kind of liberating to openly speak the truth. I feel strongly that it's an important thing to do, because everything that comes out of China is censored. Even my friends who work in journalism have to be careful what they say for fear that they may literally 'disappear' or that their family will be deported. These things almost never get reported, but as China is playing a bigger role in this global economy and society, I think it's about time these things are heard.